Surrendering Control
“If he doesn’t tolerate the mask, we will have to intubate him. He runs the show.” Deep breath. My blue-eyed, 7-month-old baby was the first of my three kids to need a hospital stay, and he went big. My first nursing job was in the exact pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) that my third child stayed in for almost 10 days for respiratory syncytial virus (RSV).
I know that was God’s heart and intention. He is sovereign over all. He knew when I was an anxious, brand-new nurse in the PICU that He was preparing me for when my sweet baby needed this care years later.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
Isn’t that so kind of God? He blessed me with not only the knowledge of what was going on in my baby’s lungs and body, but also the experience of knowing all we can do is wait and pray for the body to heal. The only certainty is that healing often requires a rollercoaster of emotions.
It was the first time I felt I truly had no control. And it was the first time I felt the freedom of resting in God’s power alone, His almighty healing, and His calming presence.
How often do we, as mamas, hold the mirage of control so tightly? Looking back, it is overwhelmingly obvious that God’s kindness showed me that only His steady hand is worthy of trusting, not my flawed sense of control. Although this experience tops the charts of scariest mama moments in my life, God did not abandon us. His loving-kindness flowed through nurses, physicians, respiratory therapists, family, friends, and pastors. We are so grateful for their care and for God using them in our scary time.
Pray with me, mamas. Lord, you are a Good God, worthy of all my trust and adoration. Jesus, please forgive me when I lean on my own strength and understanding and not on your unwavering love and sovereignty. Draw me closer to You so I can experience Your sweet, loving-kindness all the days of my life and show others that same loving-kindness. Amen.
Ashleigh and the Help Club for Moms Team
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